Confidence and Resilience – Each one is hard to achieve if you lack the other

Reaching your goals takes dedication, commitment and the willingness to do whatever it takes. When confidence and resiliencethings don’t work, going forward becomes harder and harder. You experience all kinds of disappointments and frustrations. You did your homework, you know things should work, you know your results are somewhere out there. But you are still failing to get the results that should follow and you know you deserve. This is the point where you need both confidence and resilience.

And you come to the point that you seriously start thinking that what you are doing is not working and you should better giving up. Every time you think that you are failing, your confidence lowers and you risk seriously to really give up. Resilience is your ability to not give up when you reach this point. So, while confidence is your ability to take a challenge, resilience is your ability to retry when things are not working. So you need both confidence and resilience to reach your greatest goals.

The connection between confidence and resilience

There’s a deeper connection between confidence and resilience. We have seen in my last post that the key to self confidence nowadays is resilience. If you know you able to be resilient, you know you’ll go through and you’ll finally be able to reach your goals. And this is of course a synonym of self confidence.

On the other hand, if you are confident you know at the end you’ll be able to handle it, so it will be easier for you stay there and handle that hard situation right now, going through. So, if you are confident, then is easier for you to be resilient.

So, confidence and resilience will reinforce themselves, in a similar way as they make courage and self confidence.

So how do you go on when the going gets tough? What do you do when nothing you know seems to work? How do you develop and exploit such confidence and resilience to overcome any obstacles and win your goals?

The first thing to do is to take time out and become still. If you are lacking progress, then stop fighting for a while and make some quiet time. Of course it’s no use just hammering away if you are hitting at the wrong place.

The quiet time will help you reflect on what you have done so far and gain some new perspective. Think to what worked, what didn’t work and what could have worked instead.

A similar but slightly different way to get perspective is to think to what was going well. Then think to what went wrong, and when. Think what happened when things turned wrong and finally what you could have done instead.

This simple learning process will benefit both your confidence and resilience.

Talk to yourself

Take a piece of paper and just write. What about? Anything really. You can write about the confusion you feel.

Talk to yourself, not negative stuff that will make you feel worse then you already do, but tell yourself that you are getting the answers you are looking for. Talk as someone who knows it’s only a matter of time.

If you find talking to yourself very hard, a simple trick is to focus on how you are feeling. Then imagine that this feeling is a person, or a little baby you can talk with. And imagine talking with this person like you would with a close friend. Ask what’s happening, how he’s trying to help you, and discuss how he could help you in a more effective way. The more you’ll try with this, the easier will be for you to talk with your inner self.

You can also try a few other variations on this. Melody Wilding at gives you one simple strategy to stop fighting with your inner critic if this is what is stopping you from getting forward.

Talking to yourself will realign you with your unconscious mind. The more you’ll be able to listen to your inner self, the more this will greatly improve your ability to do the right thing. This will lead to an increase in both your confidence and resilience.

Do one step further

Sometimes, you’re at the right place, you just need to go 3 feet further down or 3 feet to the left, or right. Or sometimes the time just isn’t right and you just need to wait a little while longer. There’s only a trustable source of advice for this: your subconscious mind which knows everything.

So, talk to yourself as we explained in the previous point. Ask your subconscious mind what should be your next step. Or what you should wait. Then take time out and listen to the answer. Just keep talking and asking to your unconscious mind until you’ll get the answer.

Then do that step. And keep doing one step further until you reach your goal. You can see that by approaching things this way you’ll be both using your current confidence and resilience, but at the same time you’ll be developing them as an effective success habit.

Confidence and resilience will lead you to the prize

After all the struggling, holding the prize will be a truly rewarding experience. That’s when you realize all the trials and tribulations were worth it. Going through requires the ability to go one step further with the confidence you are going in the right direction. Or you’ll give up.

Develop your resilience and your confidence will raise to a completely new level.

And you? What are you doing when you have to face hard times? Let us know! And don’t forget to subscribe to our 30 Days Self Confidence Challenge. Of course, you’ll find there also a few more tips for your resilience 😉


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