When your anxiety is taking over your life, everything becomes terribly difficult. Every problem is hard, any challenge seems too big, taking action seems an Olympic quest. The more time you persist in this situation without things getting better, the more your ability to confront the situation will lower and you’ll start escaping; procrastination will lock in and quickly you’ll feel deprived of your power and your ability to fix things. In other words: you’ll quickly lose your self confidence and self esteem. This is why having self confidence when anxiety is an issue, is always hard.
When Breaking the Loss Of Self Confidence / Anxiety Spiral
This is why you have to break this downgrading spiral as soon as possible: if you don’t recover your self confidence when anxiety is coming and you start lacking courage, then you’ll retreat and won’t take action; without action, things will become worst; you’ll feel less resourceful and you anxiety will worsen. Anxiety force you towards the uncomfortable situation you are facing, but if you won’t able to take action, your procrastination will increase and your personal power will reduce. After a while in this losing game you can come to feel like there is no way out. Your anxiety will start being pervasive and invalidating, and you’ll feel unable to do anything.
So the right time to break the spiral is when you are tempted to procrastinate, or any time you are avoiding a difficult or uneasy situation. This means that your self confidence when anxiety is here, is going lower than your fear and when this will happen, your action will be harder from that point on.
How to Break It and Take Action
First, if your anxiety comes from what you perceive as a failure, deal with it first. The short recipe is: accept it, understand what you got anyway, learn from it, go forward. It’s very hard going over a failure with just willpower. It’s like running with heavy weights all around you. It’s ineffective and unnecessarily hard. Deal with your failure and go ahead.
When is time to break the spiral, you can do it by stopping yourself and discovering what works for you. How are we are going to do this?
- First, stop your mind and take a breath.
- Then remember that nothing can hurt you unless you let it have this power.
- Then remember that you can confront anything that is happening to you. I strongly believe that God won’t let happen anything to you that you can’t confront – I also suggest you to believe this too…
- So, look at the situation and discover a little part of it you can confront
- Look at what you already tried to do, what worked and what didn’t work
- Try to combine differently what you did with the purpose to increase what could work and decrease what isn’t working – this becomes something other you can try about that
- And finally do that thing.
What if you can’t find anything? Just stay there and confront the situation. Stay there and don’t escape. Stay there and don’t do anything, but stay there. At the end, this will expand your comfort zone and you’ll find something little you can do about that. This is the first step to regain your self confidence when anxiety is an issue. You can find some more practical suggestions on overcoming your unsecurites in my self-confidence Q&A post.
Taking action is the cornerstone of regaining your self-confidence back. See Arun Chandran interview for a quick but in-depth overview of what taking action can do to help you to overcome your life challenges.
From Action to Confidence
Practice makes perfect. Practice will temper your attitude, will take a raw approach and transmute it in a wonderful skill. And in doing this, what seems very hard will first become approachable, then doable, and finally easy.
So practice, patience and persistence is what will build action into confidence. If you don’t get the desired results the first time around, then keep trying until you do get the results.
Through practice, your results will come easily and you’ll start having again your self-confidence even when anxiety is still with you.
Ability is not enough
Even if practice will increase your self confidence, when anxiety is an issue you must be sure to manage a few other underlying factors to reach deep and lasting results:
- Confidence on managing your anxiety – this is essential to avoid having fear of having fear; without this, you anxiety is subject to self-feeding, exploding in time like a nuclear chain reaction;
- Confidence on your resources – you can’t just learn everything right now – this will make you take more easily new challenges
- Confidence on managing your future – this is essential to avoid new events will lock in your anxiety again
- Confidence on God’s help – you can’t control everything – you must let to God what is outside your control
Confidence on Managing Your Anxiety is Essential to Have Self Confidence When Anxiety is Persistent
Anxiety comes from having to manage a situation, but feeling you don’t have enough control over it. In a present time problem, you have to fix it, but you don’t know how to do it in a way you can confront.
Repeated exposure to anxiety and the corresponding sense of “lack of control”, will soon trigger a fear of anxiety itself. When this happen, just a little anxiety will quickly self feed and become a big anxiety and your ability to confront it will vanish.
So is very important you learn managing your anxiety.
Well, the good news is that managing anxiety is just another skill to learn. You can apply the principles of the previous paragraphs on rising your confidence on managing your own anxiety. Learn what works, what doesn’t work, and what you could do to improve on managing your fears and anxieties.
You can try many things to discover what can help you. I suggest you to try at least two categories of thing:
- Physical action – walking, running, touching nice objects, whatever…
- Your thoughts – observe what you are thinking when you feel anxious, and see what other thoughts could serve you better
For example if you discover that taking a walk and thinking “God won’t let happen to me anything I can’t deal with” lower your level of anxiety, this will give you the confidence to manage your anxiety the next time around. This is the most important point to develop your self confidence when anxiety is always with you.
Managing Your Future Related Anxiety
Sometimes, we can get anxious about tasks we will have to perform or events that are going to happen in the near future.
While learning is the cornerstone of present time anxiety management, visualization is the tool to create your future.
For instance, you have to play with your team in the championship basketball game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. In the days before the big event, imagine in your mind yourself playing the game in front of a large audience.
By visualizing what will happen in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes; this is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation and increase your self-confidence when anxiety could be increased by new incoming challenges.
Confidence on Your Resources
Gratitude is the key to awaken the confidence in your resources.
Write down a list of:
– Everything you are thankful for;
– Everything that helped you or could help you in your life.
Do not take anything for granted. The next time you feel down, take out your list and review everything that you have listed. This is a great way to remind us of what we have.
The practice of gratitude will awaken your resources and this will refresh your self confidence baseline. This will increase your ability to have self confidence when anxiety kicks-in.
Confidence in God’s help
A person can only do so much. You won’t able to control what is not under your control. There’s a point where you must let go and let God. For what can’t be under your control, is not possible to build enough self confidence when anxiety triggers.
Asking God for help can give us additional resources to help manage our fears and self-confidence. Imagine God sending you what you need. It is not always easy, however God is in control and he will help you if you ask Him.
A good belief I suggest you is thinking that if you ask help God, He will help you no matter what and whatever happens will be expression of His help even when it doesn’t seem, so it will be for your highest good even when you’re tempted to think the other way.
One Day at a Time
As a final advice, remember that tomorrow will be a new day and things will restart. Taking one day at a time will help you to avoid confronting everything at once. Just confront today….
- By being grateful of what you have and what is helping you…
- By learning what works, what doesn’t and what you could try in dealing with today challenges…
- By learning what works, what doesn’t and what you could try in dealing with today anxiety…
- By visualizing a successful tomorrow…
- and by asking God’s help for what you can’t control,
Just focus on this today and things will become better. You’ll be able to rebuild your self confidence when anxiety has a fixed place in your mind.
Another version of the “One Day at a Time” concept is to improve one single aspect of your self confidence each and every day. Give a look here to see a few other tips that can help with your self confidence with anxiety issue.
What You Could Discover
You could discover that things are not so hard and that you can at least handle part of it; so you can do something about it and maybe solve it one part at a time. You’ll know that you are resourceful, able to manage your anxiety and focusing on what you can change.
So, what happened to your self confidence the last time you felt anxious? How did you react? Did it work?
Make sure you sign up below to my 30 day self confidence challenge to discover more on how to develop your courage and you self confidence one step at a time.
Did you miss something?
- 1 When Breaking the Loss Of Self Confidence / Anxiety Spiral
- 2 How to Break It and Take Action
- 3 From Action to Confidence
- 4 Ability is not enough
- 5 Confidence on Managing Your Anxiety is Essential to Have Self Confidence When Anxiety is Persistent
- 6 Managing Your Future Related Anxiety
- 7 Confidence on Your Resources
- 8 Confidence in God’s help
- 9 One Day at a Time
- 10 What You Could Discover
- 11 Engage in the 30 Days Courage and Confidence Challenge!