Hello everyone! Sometimes I share here my experience about well-established confidence experts, like for example I did with Russ Harris and his book on the four self-confidence traps. Today I want to point to a very special self-help guru, James Clear. He runs a high traffic self-development blog that gets over 1 million visits per month at jamesclear.com.
What’s special in James? His articles have a focus on habit and behavior change with scientific evidence and I like him so much because of this scientific “twist”. If you have read other top personal development gurus, you should have a try with James. You won’t be disappointed.
Reaching your goals takes dedication, commitment and the willingness to do whatever it takes. When things don’t work, going forward becomes harder and harder. You experience all kinds of disappointments and frustrations. You did your homework, you know things should work, you know your results are somewhere out there. But you are still failing to get the results that should follow and you know you deserve. This is the point where you need both confidence and resilience.
And you come to the point that you seriously start thinking that what you are doing is not working and you should better giving up. Every time you think that you are failing, your confidence lowers and you risk seriously to really give up. Resilience is your ability to not give up when you reach this point. So, while confidence is your ability to take a challenge, resilience is your ability to retry when things are not working. So you need both confidence and resilience to reach your greatest goals.
A few decades ago, self confidence was just a shy children problem. Today self confidence is recognized as one of the most important skill for day to day survival and long term success. What did happen? How this can help us to sort out the most important key to self confidence?
We have seen that there are many ways to address how to raise self confidence. A lot of this stuff has to do with expanding your comfort zone, and acting with courage. It’s not a case we are dealing with this in our self confidence challenge (subscribe at the bottom).
Of course a lasting self confidence requires deep inner stability. Stability about knowing yourself, knowing who you are.
A recent sociological research focused on the “self-concept clarity” notion. This is the stability over time of clear and confident beliefs about themselves. It’s easy to see that the more self-concept clarity you have, the more robust and resilient self confidence you have.
So, what’s the best way to rise your self-concept clarity?
If you are trying to rebuild your self confidence, is possible that a few setbacks are making things very hard for you. You could become discouraged and finally think you can’t have your self confidence back. If you look closely for a moment about this, well, it could seem that you have lost confidence in your ability to get back your confidence…. It may seem a joke, but if you are trying hard and your confidence is still lacking, maybe you have a few misconceptions about self confidence that prevent you from succeeding.
Why self confidence is important for you? Without self confidence you’ll feel you don’t have the skill to reach your goals. You won’t have the drive to fight for what you want. Probably you won’t have the clarity of goals you want to achieve either.
None will perform to his greatest potential if not backed by self confidence. Low self confidence will impair the functioning of your mind, and will lead to failure.
Everything is in doubt, everything is hard. All the skills and efforts are useless if confidence is lacking. Every difficult task will be a challenge and you won’t have the resilience to follow through. Nothing great was ever achieved by people who lacked confidence.
Living with low self confidence is like being in prison. Having zero self confidence makes you feel weak. Unsure of your abilities.
With many ugly negative thoughts that take off and take hold of your mind. Uncomfortable feelings arise and become frequent in your day.
The Negativity Personal Trap
These uncomfortable feelings last so long that you start trust them as reflecting something real. You start thinking you really aren’t able to confront things. Action becomes more and more hard. You start procrastinating.
You start trying relieving these bad feelings with short term pleasure strategies, like for example eating.
This attacks your self esteem. You feel weak and wrong.
You feel unable to take action. And even if you take action you mistrust your ability to sort things out, deal with the unexpected, being in control. Keep this for a short time, and you will soon you lose faith in your dreams. You feel you cannot ever do anything right.
There are many instances in life where your confidence is hit hard. Sometimes you overcome life’s hardness, sometimes you get overwhelmed. Sometimes your courage and confidence sees you through, but sometimes your self-confidence gets a beating. In this case you have to regain self confidence as fast as possible.
I had this kind of experience a couple of years ago, when a professional setback got me K.O. and led me almost to depression.
As I stated in previous posts, without self confidence you go nowhere. Can you afford to lose your self confidence when you have a very big problem and find yourself without energy, options and time?