How to Gain Self-confidence at Work – How to Deal with the 3 Things That Are Putting You Down

How to gain self-confidence at work? We saw in a previous post the four main limitations that prevent your success in. Your mindset is, in fact, the first pillar in your self-confidence at workplace.

How to gain self-confidence at work

However, your workplace has a major difference compared to many other real life situations you have to face: you are forced to work with people who could be a real source of challenges for you and your ego. They can be your boss, your peers, your coworkers, etc.

Therefore, you can bet that dealing with people in your workplace is the second pillar of you self-confidence in your workplace.


How to gain self-confidence at work: Deal with your boss

Well, I don’t know if this is a surprise for you: you are a lot of wonderful and amazing things, but, for sure, you are NOT how your boss treats you.

A very good approach to managing your boss is the article by Tomas Kucera in He addresses a few very important points:

  1. Set healthy boundaries
  2. Set communication rules
  3. Set priorities, goals and checkpoints
  4. Ask for and offer help

I think that this is so well said, that nothing else is needed. This means that if you are having problems with your boss, then one of these four points is not working. Assess what is happening and which point is out of order. A simple trick to make this easier is to give a 1 to 10 rating to each of these points, then write down why you think that item is not a 10. This will help you to have a clearer idea on what you have to fix.

The good news is that also your boss has a primary objective to have these things working well with you. This is because without these things, he can’t manage you and he won’t be able to reach his objectives. If you have a problem with your boss, set a meeting with him on get a new agreement on that point.

Well, frankly this could not work for the first point, setting boundaries. You could have a boss that doesn’t respect the more basic boundaries and don’t have any respect for you, your needs or your personal life. If this happens, you have only two options: develop your assertiveness and rebuild healthy boundaries (if you are bold enough, you could use your boss as a test for your assertiveness progresses…); or change work.

How to gain self-confidence at work: Deal with feeling insecure about your coworkers

Sometimes your coworkers are tougher than your boss is. Many people feel that they do not fit in, are unsure how to handle conflict, or have an overbearing coworker that they don’t know how to communicate with.

Any of these feelings can wear at your self-esteem. You may feel you have nothing to offer the group, whether socially or on projects, you avoid conflict, and may allow others to step on you.

If socialization is a problem, it will require you to step out of your comfort zone a bit. This does not mean you need to jump right in with a large company gathering; rather, take it slow by opening conversations with one or two coworkers. Chances are you’ll have something in common. Asking questions about the other person is always a great way to go; just avoid questions with simple yes or no answers.

Jessica Meher at has a very interesting point of view. She shares that if you feel insecure about expressing your ideas, is that because you are selfish (what??). You never know if a personal thought is good or bad and even if is bad, it could have inside the seed for a very good idea from someone else. This means that if you keep for yourself what you are thinking, you are damaging your company and you are expressing a selfish behavior. If this makes you uncomfortable, start sharing your ideas gradually, with fewer people and in a way easier for you to deal with.

How to gain self-confidence at work: Deal with conflicts

We all deal all days with difficult coworkers and people issuing conflict and making hard times for us.

The basic strategy in dealing with conflict by difficult people is:

  • Do your best to avoid being pulled into argumentative situations;
  • Remember that the overbearing person likely has many insecurities as well, and these are what cause the behavior.
  • Don’t reward the other person’s behavior by getting upset or immediately backing down.
  • When things become too hard, say you’ll continue the conversation when everyone has had a chance to cool down.

Remember that your self-worth is not dependent on the coworker’s approval, even if that person is your boss.

A very good advice on this point comes from John Brandon at – he suggests turning personal attacks into a change agent. Even if personal attacks are meant to push you down and make you lose confidence, just avoid don’t let that happen, get over any resentment behind it and look for how you can change and grow.

How are you going to do this? Focus on the skill this personal attack is suggesting to improve, and work on that. My personal upgrade on this concept is: decide that no one will be able to put you down, because whatever they’ll tell you, you’ll use that to improve and beat them this way. Well, stick on this and you’ll experience a real big boost on your self-confidence, because you know you’ll become invincible.

How to gain self-confidence at work: Dealing with people

You see that your workplace is a wonderful place to learn how to be more self-confident. Your boss, your coworkers, the projects you are working on, are all ingredients of the recipe to self-confidence. We have seen that an assertive approach is very important in dealing with your boss, with your coworkers and with your conflicts. Just go through and grow with your job.

And what about you? What’s your self-confidence experience in your workplace? Also, remember to subscribe to my 30 days self-confidence challenge!

Engage in the 30 Days Courage and Confidence Challenge!

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